I love you
by SekaiRyu
Summary: Toris did the worst thing he could ever do to a friend. Then he signed his death warrant. This just might be his last chance to say it. Human names used. Worst. Summery. Ever.


This is the first thing I wrote in over a year and the first time I ever remember writing in the first person. It was just a bad dream I had and had to put it into words…. Somehow. I think I did alright.

Summery: Toris did the worst thing he could ever do to a friend. Then he signed his death warrant. This just might be his last chance to say it. Human names used. Worst. Summery. Ever.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, any of the characters, or any country at that.

'When I give the signal, you must do what I have just said.'

His voice ran through my head as I hid behind the couch waiting. We were expecting a visitor of which I knew not of whom but was given orders to stay hidden until needed. So here I am. Behind the couch. Waiting for Mr. Braginski to give his dreaded order.

Finally, there was a know upon the door. I watched as Raivis opened and welcomed the outsider in. With the orders I had been given, I have thought it was going to my Alfred but nothing could prepare me for what was to happen this day. The one that walked into the room was none other then Feliks.

What is he doing here? Why would it be him? Please tell me there is someone else that is to walk through those damned doors.

No luck. Raivis shut the door, shaking and, looked to me, crying. The small country quickly left the room, fleeing what I believe he already knew was going to take place. Feliks attempted to follow but a voice sounded through the room, stopping him.

"Welcome. It's been so long. I hope your trip went well." Ivan entered the room from the opposite side in which Raivis had left.

"It was, like, cold. You should totally move some where else, like, warmer."

"But no matter where I go, it will be cold."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now one to why I, like, came here. Your giving him back."

Giving him back. Was he talking about me?

I tried to keep my eyes on Ivan but it was proving difficult with Feliks in the room. I had been wishing to see him for so long and there he was, back facing me, but I knew that if he had known of my hiding place, he would not turn away.

"What makes you think he wants to go back to you? He might like living here with me."

"Liet would, like, totally hate it here."

"Oh, we shell see."

Ivan made a jester with his hand, I had almost missed it. No, I really couldn't do this. Not to Feliks. Anyone but Feliks. But Ivan could kill me if I didn't do what had been commanded of me. I had to choose, do something horrible to my best friend, or death.

I swiftly jumped from my hiding spot behind Feliks and pulled a gun up, holding it to his head. My hand shook, heart raced, brain froze. I couldn't think. I couldn't move. I could only stand there, staring at the floor as he tuned and met the barrel of the gun.

"Li-Liet? What are you, like, doing?"

His voice was a knife to my heart. I could hear the pain and panic in his voice. I wanted to drop the gun there and end this charade. I didn't care anymore. Death would be a blessing after what I had just done. After hurting the person I cared for the most.

"O-o-o." I wanted to tell him I was just obeying but the words would not come out.

"He's fighting to stay by my side. What else would he be doing."

Ivan, you asshole. You knew I wouldn't fail to do as I was told. You knew how this was going to end. You knew how bad this was going to hurt him and I. Your just trying to make sure I have no one to go home to.

"Toris enjoys it here with me. He has no wishes to go back to living with like likes of you."

Shut up. Please stop making things worse.

"Why?'

Feliks' voice cracked as if he was trying not to cry. Unwillingly, I looked up at him. His eye's were full of every emotion I never seen in his. I wished for him to laugh, make a joke, tell me my face is funny, anything. I watched him. Waiting, hoping, prying that he'd laugh or realize I didn't want this. The corners of his mouth twitched like he was trying to smile but just as I thought he was going to do so, a tear escaped from his eye, falling down his face.

"Feli-."

"IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH, YOU COULD HAVE LIKE TOLD ME. I HATE YOU. I LIKE SO HATE YOU, LIET." The tears started flowing as he turned and ran into the cold snow outside, slamming the door behind him. Leaving me standing there, wanting to rewind time are redo everything.

I dropped the gun to the floor, the pain proving too much to handle, tears forming in my own eyes and running away.

'What have I just done? I hurt Feliks, I made him cry, I made him think I hate him. I don't. I care for him. So much it hurts. He was, no, is my best friend and I just did the worst I could have ever done to him.'

I craved for the end to all this pain, for freedom, for death. I didn't care what happened to me now. The one I love hates me.

Love? Do I love him? Yes, I just never said it out loud. How could I have done this if I loved him?

"You did well, Toris. Quite honestly, I thought you would have ran. I was wrong. Now you can be one with me forever."

Ivan put his hand on my shoulder and smiled down at me. It was your idea. You had me do this. Why do you only know how to hurt me?

I shoved his hand off me and stepped back.

"Do you touch me." I hissed. It's official, I cracked, I lost it. If I had any sanity left, it just ran out the door with Feliks. "Don't you ever touch me again."

"Toris, what's wrong."

"You, this place, this world, fate, everything. Everything and anything is wrong because of you. You did this. I don't care if you kill me now. I don't even care if you torture me to death. I deserve it after this. After what you made me do. I hate you. I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE WITH YOU."

Yep, completely lost it.

His smile disappeared from his face as he looked at me, shocked at my outburst.

"You don't want to stay with me?" He asked like it was some big surprise,

"No." My voice came out dark and cold. It didn't even sound like me. It was like a demon had taken over and was the one speaking for me now.

He grabbed at my shoulder again. "Tor-"

"I said, don't TOUCH ME." My hand connected with his face, somehow knocking him backwards a bit.

A split second felt like years, it was as if the world around me was in slow-mo. Should I run, should I stay, or should I just walk calmly to my room and get my things. He started tuning to face me once again. My mind was made up.

I sprinted to the door, not even worrying about my coat, and ran as fast as I could. I had to get way but where should I go? Did I have anywhere to go too? Only one place came to mind but Ivan could find me there. I didn't care. I had something I had to do if I was going to die or hide away for a while.

I pounded on the door, praying he made it home safe and would hear me out.

"Like, who's there?"

I could still hear the tears on his voice. It scared me. How bad did I hurt him? He always acted like he didn't care but now. Now his true emotions were breaking my heart.

"Feliks, It's me. I'm sorry. Let me in."

"No. Go away. I totally don't want you here."

"I need to tell you something. Now please, open the door. I'm begging you. Ivan, he's- he's going to kill me."

I knew he wasn't going to let me in but I needed him to know I didn't want to do that to him. I needed him to know I cared, I was sorry, I loved him.

"Why? Did you like, put a gun to his head too? Why would you like, so do that to me?"

"Because, if I didn't he would kill me but when I hurt you I-I-I just couldn't take him anymore. I lost control of myself and I know he's after me. Please. Just let me in for just a second."

There was a pause. Did he leave? Did he let me there, crying on his doorstep pleading for a savoir?

"But wha- How d- Can- How do I know your like, not going to finish the job?"

You could hear my heart shatter. If not for it being contained in my chest, pieces would be scattered across the step forever unable to be repaired.

"Trust me. Aš jums rūpi per daug jums pakenkti."

They door clicked with the sound of locks. This everything went silent. Shit, he doesn't believe me. I debated running away, fleeing the place, the friendship I destroyed. Another sound started me. Slowly, ever so slow, the door creaked open revealing his beautiful face, glaring at me.

"If you like, ever do something like that again. I won't let you in."I smiled lovingly at him.

"I swear, I will never in the rest of my life hurt you like that ever again."

He stood there starring at me, watching me, making sure I didn't have anything in my hands or anything visible to grab.

"I like so don't believe you but whatever." He seized my arm and pulled me into the house, slamming and locking the door behind him. "Like why is he going kill you?"

"Well, you see, I may have told him I didn't want to be one with him and, just might have punched him."

The room went silent as he looked at me, face full of surprise, mouth hanging open.

"Oh. My. God." A smirk crept across his face, soft giggles turning to loud, contagious , laughter that soon made me join in. "I applaud you."

The two of us laughed a little while longer. It was like the old days, like nothing had changed, like Ivan never took me away. Suddenly, Feliks' laughter died and he flew at me, wrapping arms around my body and squeezing me tight.

"You like so scared me." I barely heard him whispering into me chest as I hugged him back. "Guess I have to hide you now." He looked up at me, wiggling his body. I sighed. Wouldn't it be great to stay here?

"Feliks, as much as I'd love to stay, this will be the first place he looks for me."

"Liet, Liet, Liet. I totally have a place to hide you. There's like, a secret room in my basement. You can't find in unless your like, looking for it and know it's there."

I didn't have to leave? I could stay here and be safe? Sure, it might take years and a few lifetimes until I could see the outside world again but I wouldn't have to leave Feliks' side again.

"Feliks, you're a genius." I exclaimed. He pulled away from me with a smirk.

"I know. I just have to like get the k-" A rapping at the door caused us both to jump. To late. We didn't have time to hide. He was here and I knew it. Feliks leaned close to my ear, whispering again, trying not to be heard by the stranger just outside. "Like go sneak out the window of the back bedroom and hide. I'll call for you when he's like, gone."

"Don't call for me. I'll just hide out 'til morning and come back then."

He gave me a look of pain, a pain I could feel in my chest. It felt like it was ripping apart.

"Don't be late, Liet." He smiled and pushed my down the hall. An other knock sounded at the door. "I'm coming, Like keep your panties on."

I ran down the hall to the bedroom he spoke of as quietly as I could. It was the one without a plant right out the window. I began to open the window, pausing for a second to listen to the voices in the entrance. If it wasn't him, I'd be safe, I wouldn't have to go so soon. I strained my ears to hear Feliks speak hoping that the voice in reply was someone besides Ivan. Anyone besides Ivan.

It was distant and muffled but I knew who it was right away. My hopes crashed again. Was nothing going to go right today? Ivan was here and I needed to get out. I threw open the window, swinging my legs out the window, and prepared to jump. It was only a little over a meter drop to the ground, what was keeping me was once I was out, Feliks would be left to fend for himself against Ivan. But I couldn't stay. We both knew that. I pushed myself out the window to begin my journey across the field and to the woods.

'BANG!' A gunshot sounded through the open air followed by two more. My body jerked as each hit, one in my right arm, two in my chest. What was going on? How did this happen? Who? My arm fell limp to my side, my knees gave out from the pain. I propped myself up with the wall and pressed to my new wounds in attempt to slow the bleeding.

It was no use, the blood poured from me like a fountain. I heard footsteps running my way from inside the house. No, he can't see me like this.

"LIET!" I looked up at his panicked face as he scanned the field for me. Not seeing anything he looked straight down. His eyes grew wide, I could see the tears forming in them again. "No." He jumped out the window, landing right next to me, and started pressing against my hands, adding pressure to hold the blood in. "No, no, no, no, no."

"Ah, so you were hiding my little runaway. To bad it's broken now." Ivan spoke with a smile painted on his face.

"GO AWAY. THIS IS LIKE, ALL YOUR FAULT." Feliks cried as screamed. Ivan looked out at the field, ignoring him like he never said a thing.

"Look, my other two toys are already coming back to me like good boys." Across the field I could see Eduard carrying a bawling Raivis. One of them had pulled the trigger but I didn't blame them. They didn't want to end up like me and I never wanted then to feel this. "I'll be on my way now. You can keep the broken one." He pulled his head back into the house and I listened as his steps retreated to the front door.

Eduard walked as fast as he could, I knew he was trying to not let Raivis see me like this, only glancing at me once as he made his way around the house. I mouthed 'it's okay' to him to let him know I didn't hate either of them.

Feliks wrapped his arms around my neck. "Stay with me. I like, will so hate you if you die on me. Tell me you'll stay with me."

I painfully lifted my bad arm and put it around him. "I'm sorry I ever hurt you. I never wanted to make you cry."

"That's not telling me."

I wish I could have said so. I did want to leave him this way. I wanted to stay with him, take away his tears, make him smile, live like we used to, tell him I love him. But here I was. Dieing right before his eyes and there was nothing either of us could do. This was my last chance.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered into his hair as he cried harder. "Feliks, look at me." He shook his head. "Please?"

He lifted his head up off my shoulder, looking at me with sad, wet, green eyes. Not wanting to smear blood on him, I brought my injured arm around to cup his face, using my thumb to wipe away the stray tears.

"Don't cry. I don't want you to cry for me. I want to see your smiling face. It's your smile I fell in love with. Let me see it."

He didn't smile but looked at me surprised.

"Wha-What?"

I felt horrible telling him this way but I had to. I wasn't going to die without him knowing how much he meant to me.

"Aš tave myliu, Feliksa."

I hoped to god that he did reject me and run away, leaving me there to die alone. Finally, he smiled at me. My first wish that came true today. To see him smile.

"I jak, tez cie kocham." He did something I never thought would happen in a million years. He leaned into me an captured my lips is a sweet, loving, tear filled kiss.

The pain in my chest lessened and I felt myself growing weaker by the second. My hand fell from his face which must have scared him because he pulled away, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tight. I, unfortunately, could almost not feel it.

"I-I'm…. I'm sorry." I was finding it hard to breath now. My body was growing heavy, weak, and cold. "I'm sorry I…I couldn't….. stay."

"No, Liet, like, stay with me."

My body started to slump to the side, begging to fall to the ground. He attempted to hold me up, one hand being placed back on to mine, keeping it in place on my wounds.

"I….. love…you."

My world plunged into darkness, my last sight, Feliks beautiful face, the last thing I could hear, him calling for me.

"LIET."

That was freaking hard to write. ;_;

I'll be honest with you, I'm not even sure who shot him. I hope you liked it.


End file.
